Thursday, August 19, 2010

Why being fat sucks #4

Just thinking out loud here this morning, brainstorming a laundry list of why I hate being a fat cow.
  • Walking hurts. Normal people can walk two blocks without pain. I want to be a normal people and do that too.
  • Nice clothing. I can't wear it. Stuck in big-ass jeans and baggy t-shirts. 
  • Cute shoes. Sorry, but they look stoopid holding up my fat ass.
  • Bike. I wanna ride it without scarring the neighbors for life.
  • Stairs. Ow. 'Nuff said about that.
  • The embarrassment of having to say "sorry, I can't ... "
  • Seat belt in someone else's car and that "oh gods, please let it fit" moment.
  • Airplane seats (and seat belts). Is there anything more embarrassing than having to ask for a seat belt extender? Or pretending that you're buckled in when you're not and praying nobody notices?
  • Okay, I'll admit it: Housework is exhausting. That's why my house is a freakin' disaster right now. 
  • Fear of imminent heart attack. Yeah. Seriously. 
  • Grocery shopping qualifies as exercise.
  • Being horribly self-conscious in public because I just know everyone is staring at me. Especially if I'm carrying a drink or food of any kind. 
  • Joint pain. Yeah, I know my knee, hip, and ankle hurt because they're supporting so much weight. 
  • Lower back pain. Likewise. And can't do much of anything without that hurting.
  • Leg going numb from simply standing around for 10 minutes. Normal people can do that without discomfort.
  • Swimsuit. No. I used to actually like going swimming. 
  • The scale at the doctor's office. NOT my friend.
  • Sex. Yeah. The idea of getting naked and someone else not just looking but touching ... uck. I'd kinda like to get some again someday, but ... no.
  • Going to a restaurant and worrying about fitting in the booth. 
  • Getting hurt more easily. A slip can actually do serious damage. 
  • Being lonely. Yeah, back to the whole "don't want anyone to see or touch" thing. Can't imagine finding someone who would find all this lovable. 
  • Toenail clipping. Forget buffing and polishing. 
  • Bad skin. Yeah, I still break out like a teenager. Lovely. 
  • Tiny little bike saddle. Big fat arse. Lycra. 
That's probably enough for one morning.

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