Random

Yesterday was a bit of a rough day all 'round. Was in my office at 6 am, back home at 9 to pick up the cat and take her to the vet 'cause she had an open sore under her tail. Was hoping it was trivial and scared that it wasn't. I'll admit the wee spoiled moggy is kinda like my only child and I worry more and more as she gets older (she's pushing 16 here). Sooo off to the vet we go and it turned out that it was what I'd feared - she had a badly infected anal gland, so a quick (and fairly minor, as these things go) emergency surgery. Back home at noon with an incredibly indignant cat wearing one of those stoopid cones of shame.

She's been staggering around being depressed ever since, not that I blame her in the least with a plastic cone on her head and an extra hole in her butt. She's obviously in a lot of pain and frustrated that she can't move around freely with that thing around her head, and I'm feeling all sorts of guilty for having to make her wear it. Hopefully she'll be healed up enough that I can take it off Friday when I'm home all day to supervise her.

The office mate, bless her, has settled down over the food thing finally. She's made it through six days on her pre-lap-band liquid diet and stopped whining about people eating in front of her, at least at work. Sounds like she's still making her husband eat in another room, though. Yeesh. Yesterday afternoon another programmer came over to work on the spare computer in our office, dragging his bag o' Taco Bell with him, and we were both joking about hanging over his shoulder and drooling while he ate.

Managed to stay fairly clean on the diet yesterday, although not enough water ... only two liters, should'a had another when I got home but was so tired and depressed about the cat and stressed about some things going on at work that honestly I didn't even think of it. Ended up just grabbing supper and crawling into bed. Kinda lost control there in the end and munched too much, but at least it was all on plan. Too many calories but the carb count was excellent.

Now I need to figure out what it was I ate last night that triggered the acid attack. Grrrr. Probably the snack combination of pork rinds, blue cheese dressing, and coconut bark (coconut oil, cocoa powder, and splenda). 

On a side note: The jeans I was wearing yesterday were literally starting to fall off!

Scale, scale, scale -- Hamlet

Gotta love that thing. It's been persistently up 5 pounds over my lowest weight for the last several days ... then dropped 5 pounds today from yesterday morning!

Lordy, every muscle in my bod is whimpering this morning ... ache all over ... but a good ache. Got the pet ramp all cut, drilled, sanded, and painted yesterday. Just need to put the hardware on and glue the carpet to the top. Will work on it this evening and have it done by the end of the week. Feeling very good about accomplishing all that this weekend. Who needs an aerobics class when I have power tools!

My entire body's screaming ...

"Oh, you fat old cow! Lose some freakin' weight already!"  

Spent two hours at Lowes buying the bits and bobs I needed for this next project, plus a few more tools ... most notably a compound miter saw. Then I went to the grocery store and stocked up for the week. Staggered home because by then my lower back and right leg were deeply unhappy with me.

Took a short break, then stripped off my bed and shoved everything in the wash (several trips up and down the basement stairs, which at this weight qualifies as aerobic exercise). Another short break, then offloaded everything from the car and tidied up my work area quite a bit. Managed to fill my big trash can to overflowing.

Another short break, then measured and cut the big pieces on the table saw. Still afraid of that sucker, but starting to get a little more confident. I'll need to even out the first cut I made with my jig saw, but no big deal. After that I pulled the miter saw out of its box and stared at the directions for a while. Still staring at 'em, trying to put the thing together, but I think I'm close.

By then my back was screaming so I decided to make the bed and call it good for the day. That was seven hours of movement in total, so I patted myself (very gently) on the back. Yeesh, I was exhausted!

Treated myself to a couple of lamb blade chops pan-fried with a light crust of Fumee De Sel, some oven-roasted baby asparagus, and half an avocado chunked up and sprinkled with Maldon Sea Salt. Yummy! (And yes, I have just a bit of a salt fetish. *grin*)  Crashed and burned after I ate, was out cold for about seven hours. Of course, now it's 1:00 AM and I'm wide awake!

This morning I'm tired and ache all over, but it's a good ache. An ache that says I did something yesterday, accomplished something. Wish I'd gotten further on that project, but feeling like I did make serious progress ... not just on the project, but on me. Having a cup of coffee right now, then I'll drag that miter saw in from the patio and see if I can get it all put together so I can finish up the wood cuts with it.

Oh, I soooo did not!

I did NOT just gain five pounds of fat in three days! Nope!

It's just water, dammit!

Not fat, water!

It'll slide back off again. I just need to keep doin' what I'm doin'!

Yep, I've gone from being terrified with that damn scale to obsessed with it.

*sigh*

An excellent article that I've been reading over and over and over ...

It's been a rough few days ... 12 and 13 hour days at work ... not eating all that great but mostly staying within plan ... mostly ... and not much exercise at all ... and didn't drink anything LIKE enough water yesterday ... but still, I sooooo didn't just gain five pounds of fat! Grrrr!

Okay, time to stop obsessing over a stupid number, time to get off my arse and get moving. I need to do some housework this morning, then take my shopping list to Home Depot and get started on my next project(s). Oh, and get on the spinner for a short ride. And stop whining.

Obsessing

Okay, I know I'm over-thinking this whole diet thing and maybe I have it entirely wrong, but there's something that drives me nuts and I'm trying to think my way through it. Maybe I just need to stop reading Atkins forums.

Yeah, I'm doing Atkins Induction here. I know it works. Why it works I'm not entirely 100% clear on. Maybe I'm still caught up psychologically in how I was raised, that energy in/energy out is the equation we're supposed to use in weight loss: If energy (calories) consumed is less than energy (calories) used we lose weight. Turn that upside down and we gain weight. Yeah?

Excuses

My favorite excuse to over-eat on crappy food has always, as long as I can remember, been not getting enough sleep and having to function the next day. Add one more little factoid - I've been an insomniac since I was a kid.  This excuse is deeply rooted in my childhood.

As an adult my pattern has been: Swing through McD's drive-through on the way to work for a couple of breakfast sandwiches (I need the protein and carbs) and a quick stop at Starbucks for a vente macchiato or frappuccino (I need the sugar and caffeine).  Back to Starbucks a few hours later for another (oh man, I really need the sugar and caffeine for this meeting) and maybe another trip through McD's for more food (this'll help me stay awake). Toss in a run to 7-11 for some chocolate in the afternoon (just gotta make it two more hours and I can go home and crash).

Anyone else see a problem here? More than one problem, maybe? Yeah, not just the empty calories but serious self-inflicted carb/sugar crashes all day. Nasty little vicious circle here.

What prompted this post was waking up at midnight to the tune of my beloved resident feline heaving her little guts out on my bed. Loudly. She's always hated throwing up (can't blame her there) and adds plenty of sound effects before and during to demonstrate that. Hell, she cries like a baby at the top of her lungs. You'd think she was dying right then and there. Nahhh, she's just tossing a hairball. Ugh.

Needless to say I was wide awake. Tried to get some more sleep and did drift in and out a little, but once I'm awake that's usually pretty much it for my ability to sleep that night.

Funny thing is I'm not feeling a whole lot of urge to break my diet. Maybe grab an extra chicken thigh to take to work with me in case I get extra-hungry, but the thought of McD's doesn't even appeal right now. Yeah, I'll probably run by Starbucks but I'm learning to really like their iced coffee with a pump of sugar-free syrup and a splash of half-and-half.

Oh, follow-up on the office mate and her bloody protein shakes: She tried to hand me one yesterday morning again, so I gently explained that I really appreciate the thought but each time I've had one there's something in it that really spikes my cravings for sugar and carbs so I really don't dare drink it. Gods, but my inner child was drooling and whimpering, but I held strong. Yay me! *back-pat*

Son of the Return of the Scale

Evil Hitchcockian thing. Bloody thing crept up a few pounds this last week despite the exercise and knowing that there's no way I'm eating enough to gain weight ... then suddenly this morning it's back down four pounds!

It's a pretty decent (read: not cheap) scale, which doesn't necessarily mean it's all that accurate, but still ... a sudden four pound drop like that ... yeah, there's something else going on.

(This despite gorging myself yesterday on baked chicken thighs, pork rinds, and blue cheese dressing. Probably 2,500 calories ... but did keep it under 20 carbs for the day somehow.)

Yeah, I'm over-thinking ... obsessing ... I know what I need to do and I know that it works ... I just need to relax, keep doing it, and let it work ... unfortunately I've never been good at letting go like that. *eye-rolling sigh*